In business, some calls go smoothly—others become case studies in what not to do. This story is a real-life lesson in credibility, trust, and the dangers of not knowing your own numbers.
The Unexpected Return Call
“This is Jim Nowakowski, I’m returning your call.”
“Who?”
“Jim Nowakowski, you called me.”
“When did I call you?”
(Pause)
“A little while ago.”
“Who are you with?”
At this moment, things took an interesting turn. Here I was, returning their call, yet they had no idea who I was. But I knew exactly who they were.
Unpacking the Sales Pitch
After some awkward laughter and silence, the person on the other end finally connected the dots.
“Ah, you downloaded our media kit. I was wondering if you had any questions.”
Well, I did have a question.
“Your media kit doesn’t mention if you’re audited. Are you?”
“Oh yes. BPA. Would you like a copy?”
“No thanks. We’re a member of BPA. Give me a second while I pull up your statement.”
(Silence)
“Wow. That’s quite a circulation—112,000.”
“It’s the largest in the market!”
Except, something didn’t add up.
When the Numbers Don’t Match
I continued scanning the audit statement.
“Wait, in paragraph 3a, it says 144,000. Shouldn’t that match the first page?”
“No, the first page is the average circulation for the six-month audit period—112,000. Our actual circulation is 144,000, split between print and digital.”
That raised more questions than answers.
“But it says ‘copies’ in paragraph 1. That suggests you mail 112,000 each month. Yet paragraph 3a says print copies are 72,000. Where are the missing 40,000?”
A moment of hesitation. Then:
“You’re not listening.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re not listening. We averaged 112,000 per month over six months. But in April, we added 75,000 new people. The math balances out.”
“Do you know what an average means?”
Silence.
Transparency Matters in Sales
Numbers don’t lie, but they do require explanation. And in this case, the contradictions were too glaring to ignore. Then came the real kicker:
“So, are you saying all 88,000 of these people asked to receive your magazine this year?”
“Yes.”
“That’s impossible.”
“No, it’s not. We kept emailing them until they accepted.”
Red flag. That’s not how opt-in circulation works.
A Simple Request: 100 Random Names
At this point, I decided to cut through the confusion.
“Can you send me a couple of issues of the magazine?”
“Of course!”
“Also, could your circulation manager provide 100 random names from your print circulation?”
“I don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I’d like to call some of them as part of our evaluation. After all, the numbers don’t inspire confidence.”
“We don’t give out names.”
“I’m not asking for them to use—just to verify your circulation claims.”
“We don’t give out names. You can generate leads by running ads in our magazine.”
Silence.
The Sales Call That Ended in a Click
One last try:
“So, out of 72,000 print subscribers, you can’t provide 100 random names?”
“I can give you job titles.”
“No, I need full records.”
“No.”
Click.
She hung up.
Moral of the Story
If you forget who the customer is, you will always lose the sale.
By the way, in early 2023, BPA merged with the Alliance for Audited Media (AAM). Maybe, just maybe, this kind of confusion will be a thing of the past.
Got a similar story? Give me a call. I promise I won’t ask you for 100 random names. Reach me at 847-358-4848—we love talking to people about calls from hell.